never ending planning

i have this never ending need to plan my future, ALL THE TIME. what is that? am i so unhappy with my life as it is that all i can do is look forward to what can happen next? am i so driven that all i can think of is how i can push harder and further and get more? i have no idea. i plan all day everyday. it annoys some people to no end (cough* andrew cough*). but i have no idea why i can never stop planning. i get that i had to plan my future from the time i was young. i had to miss birthday parties, trips, family events, ect. just so i could play soccer so i could achieve my dreams of becoming a division 1 soccer player. that consumed my entire life, but now that i'm here and almost done, now what? as a sophomore i was taking trips and making a verbal commitment right when my junior year started, when none of my friends were even considering college. i have always had to be ahead of the game and plan ahead.  i think when i got here and i realized that soccer is not life or death (i'm sure my parents are shocked that i ever realized that), i was really just like WOW i spent my entire life working for THIS? and that is not to say i don't love every minute of playing college soccer at this level but now i have channeled that need to plan everything into my everyday life. i need to plan every second of my nursing school preparation and application process. why? who knows? our lease ends soon and i need to find somewhere to live next year, and i have been looking for months. what a waste of time! i know that my entire life has been this way and that is why i am like this, but my goodness can my brain just back off for 2 seconds? oh wait i'd probably have to plan those 2 seconds..

here are more pictures of things for fun.