never ending planning

i have this never ending need to plan my future, ALL THE TIME. what is that? am i so unhappy with my life as it is that all i can do is look forward to what can happen next? am i so driven that all i can think of is how i can push harder and further and get more? i have no idea. i plan all day everyday. it annoys some people to no end (cough* andrew cough*). but i have no idea why i can never stop planning. i get that i had to plan my future from the time i was young. i had to miss birthday parties, trips, family events, ect. just so i could play soccer so i could achieve my dreams of becoming a division 1 soccer player. that consumed my entire life, but now that i'm here and almost done, now what? as a sophomore i was taking trips and making a verbal commitment right when my junior year started, when none of my friends were even considering college. i have always had to be ahead of the game and plan ahead.  i think when i got here and i realized that soccer is not life or death (i'm sure my parents are shocked that i ever realized that), i was really just like WOW i spent my entire life working for THIS? and that is not to say i don't love every minute of playing college soccer at this level but now i have channeled that need to plan everything into my everyday life. i need to plan every second of my nursing school preparation and application process. why? who knows? our lease ends soon and i need to find somewhere to live next year, and i have been looking for months. what a waste of time! i know that my entire life has been this way and that is why i am like this, but my goodness can my brain just back off for 2 seconds? oh wait i'd probably have to plan those 2 seconds..

here are more pictures of things for fun.

hmm life has been a little crazy and a little weird since my last post. my favorite patient ever died, and i haven't worked since then so that has been really weird for me. hopefully ill pick up some shifts tomorrow and start working again. we had a soccer game on saturday and i played 90 minutes at attacking mid because we literally have no subs. if anyone has been following my recovery they can understand that i was EXHAUSTED. i have not played that long in a while and especially less than four weeks out of surgery. i had to take the day off of practice today to rest my leg because all the muscles in my right leg fatigue really easily and start cramping, which has led to a lot of straining and extremely tight muscles in my leg. while my knee feels great, i am still recovering and may be pushing it a little too hard very quickly. hopefully my leg will feel well rested tomorrow! we head up to seattle this weekend to play the sounders so i am really excited for that as well!
ive been spending my free time NOT doing homework and sleeping and watching tv, and cuddling with dempsey, and sleeping some more. sounds like a lot of fun but it really hasn't been.. how boring!? i hope that i will have more to share with you on my next update, for now the blog posts will probably be thoughts and concerns.
here are some pictures i either find amusing or agree with. just for fun. i like fun.

easter and fitness tests

sunday was easter! i LOVE easter! i love candy and i think that i just have really good memories from my childhood of dying eggs, egg hunts and ALL THE CANDY. this year was not quite as wonderful as it has been in past years. it was the last day of spring break and i had to work. therefore i did not get to participate in any easter celebrations or wonderful candy eating. sad. but i did get my two roomies, dempsey, and our trainer easter baskets and it was really fun to see them enjoy them! dempsey actually just got a giant easter duck which he loves:

he does this with all of his stuffed animals. i have a million pictures of him snuggling all different toys.

ok, ok, i posed this one. how cute is he though?

then today was the first day of spring term. not that exciting for me because i take online classes and work at night so i slept during the day while most people were in their classes. but it was also the first day of spring soccer. we had to take our fitness test, the beep test. i can run, i can sprint, i can cut, but i'm 3 weeks to the day out of surgery and haven't worked out/played in about 7 weeks. YIKES! i stayed in corvallis over spring break and worked my booty off to be recovered in time for spring term, but still, i'm out of shape and I HATE IT! that being said, i toughed it out and I PASSED. i literally fell on the ground and laid there for minutes saying "i did it!!" i was being a little dramatic but i was so happy! i still have plenty of work to do to get back in shape and get back to myself but this was definitely a good start.

also, andrew had his first day of work for his fellowship up at intel in portland today. we sure miss him already, but he is doing great things!