never ending planning

i have this never ending need to plan my future, ALL THE TIME. what is that? am i so unhappy with my life as it is that all i can do is look forward to what can happen next? am i so driven that all i can think of is how i can push harder and further and get more? i have no idea. i plan all day everyday. it annoys some people to no end (cough* andrew cough*). but i have no idea why i can never stop planning. i get that i had to plan my future from the time i was young. i had to miss birthday parties, trips, family events, ect. just so i could play soccer so i could achieve my dreams of becoming a division 1 soccer player. that consumed my entire life, but now that i'm here and almost done, now what? as a sophomore i was taking trips and making a verbal commitment right when my junior year started, when none of my friends were even considering college. i have always had to be ahead of the game and plan ahead.  i think when i got here and i realized that soccer is not life or death (i'm sure my parents are shocked that i ever realized that), i was really just like WOW i spent my entire life working for THIS? and that is not to say i don't love every minute of playing college soccer at this level but now i have channeled that need to plan everything into my everyday life. i need to plan every second of my nursing school preparation and application process. why? who knows? our lease ends soon and i need to find somewhere to live next year, and i have been looking for months. what a waste of time! i know that my entire life has been this way and that is why i am like this, but my goodness can my brain just back off for 2 seconds? oh wait i'd probably have to plan those 2 seconds..

here are more pictures of things for fun.

hmm life has been a little crazy and a little weird since my last post. my favorite patient ever died, and i haven't worked since then so that has been really weird for me. hopefully ill pick up some shifts tomorrow and start working again. we had a soccer game on saturday and i played 90 minutes at attacking mid because we literally have no subs. if anyone has been following my recovery they can understand that i was EXHAUSTED. i have not played that long in a while and especially less than four weeks out of surgery. i had to take the day off of practice today to rest my leg because all the muscles in my right leg fatigue really easily and start cramping, which has led to a lot of straining and extremely tight muscles in my leg. while my knee feels great, i am still recovering and may be pushing it a little too hard very quickly. hopefully my leg will feel well rested tomorrow! we head up to seattle this weekend to play the sounders so i am really excited for that as well!
ive been spending my free time NOT doing homework and sleeping and watching tv, and cuddling with dempsey, and sleeping some more. sounds like a lot of fun but it really hasn't been.. how boring!? i hope that i will have more to share with you on my next update, for now the blog posts will probably be thoughts and concerns.
here are some pictures i either find amusing or agree with. just for fun. i like fun.

easter and fitness tests

sunday was easter! i LOVE easter! i love candy and i think that i just have really good memories from my childhood of dying eggs, egg hunts and ALL THE CANDY. this year was not quite as wonderful as it has been in past years. it was the last day of spring break and i had to work. therefore i did not get to participate in any easter celebrations or wonderful candy eating. sad. but i did get my two roomies, dempsey, and our trainer easter baskets and it was really fun to see them enjoy them! dempsey actually just got a giant easter duck which he loves:

he does this with all of his stuffed animals. i have a million pictures of him snuggling all different toys.

ok, ok, i posed this one. how cute is he though?

then today was the first day of spring term. not that exciting for me because i take online classes and work at night so i slept during the day while most people were in their classes. but it was also the first day of spring soccer. we had to take our fitness test, the beep test. i can run, i can sprint, i can cut, but i'm 3 weeks to the day out of surgery and haven't worked out/played in about 7 weeks. YIKES! i stayed in corvallis over spring break and worked my booty off to be recovered in time for spring term, but still, i'm out of shape and I HATE IT! that being said, i toughed it out and I PASSED. i literally fell on the ground and laid there for minutes saying "i did it!!" i was being a little dramatic but i was so happy! i still have plenty of work to do to get back in shape and get back to myself but this was definitely a good start.

also, andrew had his first day of work for his fellowship up at intel in portland today. we sure miss him already, but he is doing great things!

lucky

posting today how lucky i am to have andrew in my life. yesterday i drove up to portland and rew, dempsey, and i stayed in a hotel in downtown portland. it was so fun! the hotel was so unique and pretty. our room was on the corner and it had two walls of full length windows. it was so cool, and dempsey loved staring out the windows to protect us from the bad guys outside. we went to dinner at a place called old town pizzeria. it was really yummy! then we ventured out to salt and straw because we had heard it was amazing. it was in a little bit of the ghetto, which ended up being pretty entertaining. we had to wait in line for a long time, but it was SO worth it. best ice cream! this morning we walked over to bowery bagels, which was super delicious. finally we relaxed/napped and then checked out. when we headed out we ended up going to lunch with andrews brother, patrick, which was really fun as well! it was so nice to get to spend time with andrew and his family on a little one day off. i always try to make an effort to remind rew i know how lucky i am to have him. he is so fun, loving, and goofy, and he is soo supportive. can't imagine being with anyone else, i could never ask for anything more! here are a few pics from our quick getaway:

beware, this is a rant!

there are certain social issues in the US that make me want to pull my hair out. there are people who are literally freaking out that the government is "trying to take our guns" (in case you were worried, they aren't). these people scream that any laws relating to gun control/safety is unconstitutional and they will not stand for it. fine, that is an absolutely valid point. people can be dangerous and kill people, and guns are sometimes their weapon of choice, but that doesn't mean normal law-abiding citizens shouldn't have guns, right? but these same exact people who are screaming about gun control being unconstitutional attempt to use the bible to support their claims that homosexuals should not be allowed to get married. the constitution says that we are not founded under ANY religion, and that congress shall make no laws respecting an establishment of religion. basically, your religious beliefs are your beliefs, but they are not to be used to make laws or discriminate. ever thought of how jewish, athiests, agnostics, muslims, etc feel about people using the christian bible to argue laws of the US? or how everything says "under god" or "in god we trust" ? how would you feel if they used their religion to stop you from getting a blood transfusion because it is "against their religion". not valid, right? you'd be furious, right? that's unconstitutional, right? so is discriminating homosexuals because your bible told you so. in light of the acts going in front of the supreme court, this has been all over and i am happy to see how many people are taking a stand to defend marriage equality. it still makes me furious that people act like they are not being discriminatory by saying they "don't hate the gays", i just don't "believe in gay marriage". you are being discriminatory in denying rights to a group of people. you cannot deny that..

my rant for the day. sorry if i "offended" you by supporting basic human rights. not really though.

yep, i'm starting a blog!

yep, that's right, i'm starting a blog. i am terrible at updating family and friends on all the events of my life, so why not start a blog to keep everyone updated and happy? where to start?! i will start with winter term.. the term of hell! boy was i busy! i took 19 credits and happy to say i managed a 3.84 gpa, not too shabby, right? i do have to give a shout out to andrew who taught me just about my entire statistics class and is the only reason i pulled out an a in that course. holy stressful though, happy my last winter of my undergrad is officially over! the other part of winter hell is soccer season. we spend the entire term basically getting our booty's kicked by our coaches and strength trainers and beef up like no other. i was actually really enjoying this winter and looking forward to practices, but then i got injured. i tore my meniscus in a weird tackle at training one day. had my mri the next day and results the day after that (i have to say quick and free treatment is definitely the luxury of being an athlete here).  i tried a few different things, but nothing was able to make my knee feel "right", so i decided surgery was going to be my best option. so i had surgery the week before finals, which made my hell term of finals soooo much harder. not to mention i couldn't keep medicine or food down so i was constantly in pain or feeling like i was going to vomit. after about a week of that i did start to feel great! i am already feeling a lot better and i am able to run without fear. i am definitely happy with my decision but i seriously hate being out of shape and pretty much get super mad and frustrated about it everyday during my rehab. here is a pic of me and dempsey cuddling after surgery:

this really only lasted about a minute, he wanted nothing to do with me, crutches, or the big wrap on my leg...

i was also super lucky to have my mom come down and take care of me for 4 days, it was soo helpful and im really sad i couldn't eat or barfed up most of my homemade dinners :( andrew was really helpful too and helped me after my mom had to leave.

so more winter term hell.. i have been working like CRAZY! i am working just about full time which has not been easy. i work as a CNA for an in-home care agency and go to people's homes to care for them. a lot of people i work with have now died or are currently dying which is really hard to deal with sometimes. i have been working with this lady and her family 4 nights a week, it is going to really get me when she passes. i have bonded with her and her family and they are all just so sweet and kind and fun.. not to mention they have two cats who keep me entertained. during the winter i would work over night (10 or 11pm to 6 or 7am), then go to 8:15 practice or weight lifting, then to class and lab, then finally to sleep! it was so exhausting.. i have to give another shout out to andrew who put up with me when i would literally be delusional from lack of sleep, or start crying, and for taking care of dempsey, AND for letting me sleep in his bed during the day when i was too tired to go home to my own bed. he's the best, right? i think so! definitely could not have survived this winter term without his help and support.

so the fun stuff: our intramural basketball team (soccer junies) won the championship again. it was fun to be a part of the team again and was happy to get to help coach in the finals but sad i couldn't play in the last games because of my knee. i did score 3 baskets this season though! i am a baller, what can i say? basically we are super athletic and just go out there and have fun but don't let anyone beat us.. because that would be embarrassing! here is an article about our team before the finals, it is seriously really funny and worth a read:

http://www.dailybarometer.com/oregon-state-has-a-dynasty-in-intramural-basketball-powerhouse-soccer-junies-1.3009645 

andrew and i spent a day in newport with dempsey. we took him along the boardwalk, ate seafood lunch, and then played on the beach. dempsey had SO much fun running around chasing birds and chasing (actually running away from) waves. we got to watch someone make saltwater taffy which was also really cool and got travis that poncho he has been begging for. 

dempsey also took obedience class which was a learning experience for us. luckily andrew came to the classes too and it was nice to have the support. he learned a few new tricks and we learned a lot about how to teach him behaviors and make them stick. he still has a ton to learn but it has been really fun to do and helpful when we need the commands to work. 

my family visited this weekend! my mom, dad, cc, and the dogs (buddy and shawnee) came to visit for a few days. we dyed my hair and easter eggs (different dye though!), ate homemade lasagna, took the dogs to the dog park a few times, and relaxed. it was nice! 

so although it was a "hell term", i survived! and it wasn't as awful as it sounds, just busy! i am so blessed to have andrew, dempsey, my team, a job, a house, everything i could need here in corvallis. i know my family would help me out all the time too if they weren't in washington! 

this was probably the longest blog post ever, but i had to do one big update on this past term. my other updates will be much smaller (i hope!)